This winter, JNBA’s financial planning team took time to read Daniel Pink’s book, “The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.” In this book, Pink challenges the notion that regret is a negative emotion and should be avoided at all costs. Instead, he argues that regret is not only inevitable but also essential for personal growth and achieving a better life. Below, we summarize our team’s takeaways from the book.
Regret makes us better: Although often an uncomfortable emotion, regret is powerful in helping us improve our decision making. When we experience regret, we are more likely to slow down, collect more information, reflect on the past, and consider a wider range of options before making our next move.
Reflecting on our regrets can foster a deeper sense of meaning: When we take time to reflect on regrets from our past, we gain a deeper understanding of what we regret and why. This allows us to move forward with clarity about previous regrets and motivates us to consciously change the path we take to avoid unfavorable outcomes.
Knowing what we regret can inform what we value most: After analyzing Pink’s “World Regret Survey,” he found that most entries fell into four main categories of regret: foundation regret (career, finances, education, etc.), boldness regret (job change, start a company, ask someone out, etc.), moral regret (perceived unethical choices personally, professionally, etc.) and connection regret (losing touch with a friend, colleague, etc.). On the other side of the four categories of regret, you can glean what matters most to the person – stability, growth, goodness and love. If feeling is for thinking, and thinking is for action, regret is one of the most powerful and instructive feelings we have and can help guide future actions we take.
Vocalizing regret makes you more likable: Contrary to popular belief, when we disclose our regrets and shortcomings to others, we are found to be more relatable and likable. Disclosing our regrets to others can also reduce the burden we feel if we were to keep our regrets bottled up inside.
Practice self-compassion: We often treat ourselves more harshly than we would ever treat others. By treating ourselves with kindness and normalizing negative situations, we can increase our sense of optimism, happiness, and curiosity. Regret can often start with “if only,” which can leave us feeling bad about an opportunity missed. But another approach is to frame it as “at least.” Even though it could have been different, you can acknowledge the work and choices made to get where you are today.
Anticipate future regret: To manage and navigate future regrets, take time to think about what you may regret doing or not doing before beginning a project, task, or setting out on a personal goal. By thinking about what you may regret before beginning, you can better determine how you want to approach situations.
Movies like “Inside Out” have shown us that all feelings are important. We can’t just focus on joy and forget the rest. It has become popular for people, songs, celebrities to exclaim that they “have no regrets!” But Daniel Pink found through his research that regret is one of the most common human emotions, providing us with an opportunity for self-reflection and self-compassion. Regret can prepare you for the future. By embracing our regrets and learning from them, we can move forward with greater wisdom and clarity, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Never hesitate to talk with your JNBA Advisory Team about how we can help you mitigate financial regrets.
Please note: All services provided by Daniel Pink are separate and independent of JNBA Financial Advisors, LLC. Due to various factors, including changing market conditions and/or applicable laws, some of the content may no longer be reflective of current opinions or positions. Moreover, you should not assume that any discussion or information contained in this blog serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from JNBA Financial Advisors.
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